Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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