He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You're like the curious george of whores
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
