Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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