There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
