this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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