the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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