I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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