and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
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