u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
