Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
