My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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