Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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