I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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