my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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