My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
