dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
