I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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