real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's always time for handjobs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
