I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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