the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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