its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
