RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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