He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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