just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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