I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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