thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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