So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
