The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
