Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
