He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
