I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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