remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
