I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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