i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
