Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
