Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
