Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
