Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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