I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
