omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
