Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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