hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
