Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
