so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
