you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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