so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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