i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
