I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
