what day is it and did you see me today?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
