The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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