my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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