I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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