If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
