WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
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I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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