ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
