it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
