Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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