We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
