the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
