You're earring is so big in my mouth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How does one acquire holy water?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
