So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
