I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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