R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
