his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
