I think I died a long time ago.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
