my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
