is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
