Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
