I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
