She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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