why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
