My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
