So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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