I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
