Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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