I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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